The Path to Sustainable Transformation Is Rooted in Strategy, Execution and Reflection

The trifecta for change is strategy, execution, and reflection. So strategy means you need to take the time to figure out what your goals are. They need to be well thought out goals. They need to be measurable, obtainable like your typical smart goals. It's understanding the emotional tie behind it. What's the motivation? All these things fall into the strategy bucket. Execution, right, is simply breaking down your goals into small pieces and just doing it. Ironically, the area that I think a lot of people undervalue is the reflection part. Just like how with fitness, I think a lot of people undervalue sleep, and they tend to just over exercise. Reflection is really the part where the magic happens. It's where you go from good to great because that's where you can really figure out what's working, what's not. It's understanding what your obstacles are and how to create a strategy around that. So to me, that's the formula, right, for creating change, and then rinse, wash, repeat. Hello, and welcome to Tuesdays with Morrissey where we share inside some great thinkers. Today, I'm excited to be joined by Alex Lee, a sales leader turned coach based in Austin, Texas. Alex, thanks for coming on the show. Thanks for having me, man. Alex, you you held prestigious and high paying positions at places like Google and MongoDB and Rackspace and IBM. What made you leave sales leadership to go into coaching full time? Yeah. That's a great question. And, again, really just wanna thank you for the opportunity to be on this podcast. You know, I was taking a listen to some of the episodes earlier and just the quality of content and the knowledge base on yours. Right? So it's really exciting to be here. You know, I think to answer your question, it first comes down to this concept, right, of people being on a path towards becoming the person that they think they're supposed to be versus being on a path towards the person that they're meant to be. And, I'm not sure if you know who Martha Beck is. She's pretty big on YouTube, but she was actually Oprah Winfrey's life coach. So that's probably the ultimate credential builder right there being Oprah Winfrey's life coach. But she has this really beautiful quote where she says that, you know, human beings have everything they need to be happy. All they need to do is listen to their intuition. But in order for them to do that, they need to first heal from their culture and their trauma. And, you know, the first time I heard that quote, I was thinking, man, this is this perfectly sums up this philosophy that I had with coaching, words that I feel like a lot of times people are on this path to becomes this version of themselves that they think they're supposed to be. You know, they might pursue success or fortune or fame, things of this sort. And so that was my story as well. So to answer your question, right, I think, you know, I I had a lot of, let's say, darkness and pain growing up, and that kind of led my path towards trying to become this version of myself that really wasn't who I was supposed to be at the end of the day. And, you know, that journey kinda just eventually led me towards the realization that, I was on this wrong path, and I eventually found what I call my authentic path. And so that kinda led me towards this coaching business and leaving the corporate world. Yeah. What were the two things you said? Healing from your past and your culture? Yeah. Healing from your culture and your traumas. Trauma and cultures. I mean, definitely, traumas, like, resonate. You know, you hear there's a lot of talk around healing from your traumas. I haven't heard as much about healing from your cult from cultures. What does that mean to you? Yeah. So, you know, the way I see it is we are shaped by many different factors. We're shaped by, like, we just talked about our traumas. We're shaped by our just genetic personality tendencies. But then from this cultural standpoint, right, these are things like, maybe we have a family that's experienced generational trauma, and that's being passed down through the lineage. It could be the actual society or the ZIP code or the area code that you grew up in. It could be something as simple as being like a first or second generation immigrant. Right? So there's so many different factors that shape who we are. And these factors, a lot of times, kinda kick us off the path, and we lose sight again of our what I call our authentic blueprint and kinda shapes the blueprint that we think we're supposed to be moving towards. Yeah. So if I'm hearing you correctly, like, the cultural stuff is really, healing from some of the stories and limiting beliefs that might not serve you. Yeah. Mhmm. You know, like, I I think there's a lot of, like, when I think cultural, I think it can be, you know, at a family unit and then a community unit, but I think about, you know, beliefs around money, beliefs around communication, beliefs around what's possible. I I would say beliefs are a part of that, but then there might even be, like, maybe something as subtle as a skill that hasn't been in that family lineage to be passed down. Right? So, like, this concept of you know, I work with a lot of clients that are first and second generation immigrants, and this concept of, like, emotional IQ or, you know, things like acknowledging your needs, these are things that are very foreign to a lot of these cultures. And so that would be an another example of, you know, just actual skills or, important life lessons to be passed down or to be learned. Yeah. You mentioned a lot of your clients are first and second generation immigrants. Like, who else what kind of people are you working with beyond that? Like, how would you think about, like, what is your client mix right now? So I'll I'll take a stab at this question or answering this question, but I don't think it's gonna be the answer that you're looking for. So I'm not looking for anything. Yeah. You know, I've been pretty fortunate to have an extremely wide range of clients. So, like, on one side of the spectrum, you you might have, you know, senior executives at Fortune five owner companies, CEOs, cofounders, extremely successful individual contributors. But then on this other side of the spectrum, right, it might be athletes, musicians, students, small business owners. So it's a very wide range of clients. And I did take some time to think about this recently on there's a feeling back that I can feel amongst all my clients, some some sort of pattern. And I was trying to figure out, like, what is this pattern that I'm seeing amongst all of them? And the best way I can describe it is that at the end of the day, there's something inside of them that it's it's a feeling of immense frustration or immense pain, and it's something that they've been living with or feeling for many, many years. And not only is it something that they're feeling and they've been experiencing, but it's something where they finally either had a moment of clarity or maybe they've had several moments of clarity where they can finally acknowledge and be vulnerable enough to admit, like, man, this is something that I'm running away from. And so I typically find clients at a point in their life where they've hit this tipping point of making this decision of enough is enough. I'm ready to move forward. And that's typically the type of client that, tends to resonate with my practice. Yeah. When I hear you talk about that, I'm thinking about, you know, something I heard about coaching. And, like, coaching's such a new industry. So there's, like it's tough to hear what's credible. Like, when I hear you talk about, like, healing traumas and, like, you you that's very much and cultures, it's very much about the past. You know, one time somebody kinda in equip, said, you know, counselors focus on the past, coaches focus on the future. Mhmm. But, you know, it doesn't seem like you can avoid the past in this practice. When you like, when people come, do you do they even know what questions to ask, or are they just at a point where they're sick and tired of being sick and tired? Yeah. That's a really interesting question. So Tony Robbins has this quote, right, where he says that a coach not only helps you with what you want, but shows you what you actually need. And a lot of times, clients will come to me and, you know, in the intake process, we have a pretty lengthy visioning and goal setting portion in our program. And nine times out of ten, we will very quickly hit these goals in our journey together. But then very quickly, the goals that they listed out immediately or very quickly become, you know, eclipsed by something bigger. And I think it's because in this process of coaching together, clients tend to realize that they've been targeting the external symptoms of something deeper. And so, yeah, that's typically been my experience of people think they know what they want, but then by the time we finish our coaching journey, it's like a one hundred and eighty degree turn from where we started. Yeah. And when you're, like, coaching these people and you might have a sense that this might happen, like, what commonalities have you found about maybe that second layer of what people are actually looking for? It's a very delicate dance. Maybe you've had this experience where you have a friend or a loved one, and maybe you just get the sense that there's something like, you can very easily see, like, oh, they would just work on this or they would just solve this one thing. Right? But human nature, right, is that if you just tell them, it doesn't stick for this for whatever reasons. You have to help someone get to those insights themselves. And so the main thing that I look for isn't really, if they have a sense of what might be under the surface. But what I really try to sniff out and get a sense for is how open minded someone is in general. And I'll have ways where I'll suddenly, in our interactions, constantly be testing to try to get a sense of how open minded they are and how open they are to change and growth. And I think those things are critical because without those things, the possibility of them stumbling upon their own insights are a lot less. Yeah. I I love the concepts of open mindedness and growth mindset. Mindset by Carol Dweck is one of my favorite books of all time. Funny enough, like, I didn't read it for the longest time because I thought I knew what it was about. I was actually very much demonstrating a, a fixed mindset Mhmm. In that. Similarly, like, I think open mindedness can be construed. I think, oftentimes I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this. Like, I think, oftentimes, people that might feel like they're open minded, but they're actually close minded, but they just have more progressive stances. Yeah. I I'm smirking because I've been in that situation. Have you read the book, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and A New Earth? It's been a long time. It it's been a it's been a while. Do. I'm probably do. I forget if it was in the power of now or a new earth. Right? But he gives us analogy of where when you think you've transcended the ego, that's the ego coming back into the back door, sneaking back in. And I I agree in that I think that's similar to the concept of, like, thinking you're open minded, but actually using that as a stance to maybe feel superior morally or, you know, to actually subtly be closed closed off to certain ideas. So I resonate with that. Yeah. Yeah. I think about, Steven Pressfield's concept of resistance. Resistance is basically anything that stands between you and your potential. That's also my definition of evil as anything that stands in the in between your own potential. And, you know, there is a a saying, I believe, that there's no enemy in the mind. You know, everything in the mind is is meant to protect you. It might not be serving you. Mhmm. But I I think about that a lot. It's like and that's why it's helpful to have either close friends or coaches or etcetera because, like, if you, you can't always see it. And, like, if this is a resistance is a force that's been around since the beginning of mankind, it's often pretty cunning. Mhmm. And it can actually sound like you. I I love that saying, right, of, because it's it comes down to also this concept of our patterns and our belief systems. We wouldn't have them at the end of the day if it didn't serve us in some way. And I like the word you used. You said protects versus something I think you said serving you. Right? And so I think that's a better way of putting it. Right? We wouldn't have certain belief systems or patterns if in some way it didn't protect us. And I see that a lot in individuals because with coaching, there's a saying, right, of, like, there's a book by Marshall Goodsmith. I think that's his name. Right? What got you here won't get you there. Yep. And so, Rich Slifin, who's like a mentor that I love watching his content, he says that the biggest enemy to someone's success is success. Right? So the very things that help them get to this certain point will be the exact same things that prevent you from getting to the next point. And a lot of times, it could be those belief systems or those patterns that they've adopted. And so learning to help someone see that, like, hey. Maybe this belief system has expired and it's no longer serving you. That's a hard pill to swallow sometimes. Yeah. You gotta think about, like, what's the trade off by continuing to believe this. Sometimes, like, for me, I know it's like, well, if I continue to believe this thing and I stay here, at least I can't fail. Mhmm. You know, very common. Were you were you a a big reader in your you might be a big reader now, but, like, in your I'll call you your Super High Performance days. Yeah. I would say that, I've always been a very curious person, and, I'd I've probably have been reading about one or two books a month for the past twenty years or so. So, yeah, I I definitely enjoy just absorbing information. Yeah. Me too. For what's what was interesting for me and, like, my journey is, like, you know, I was probably in some years, I think, the most books I ever read in a year was, like, forty five five books. Like, you know? But, yeah, I just, like but it was my reality was so rooted in intellect. Mhmm. And, like, you know I mean, yeah. Like, you hear people reading a book a week, but, like, I don't know if that's actually the best thing to be doing. I I would actually kind of agree with you. Right? Because when I look back on the books that have had the most profound impact on my life, they were actually the books that just took me, like, forever to finish. Like, The Power of Now was one of them. Like, what a dense book. And every time I tried reading it, I'd fall asleep. And it took me, like, three to six months to finish it. But, yeah, I think really good information and wisdom. It definitely takes time to digest. Mhmm. Yeah. And also, like, I think it just takes time to figure out, like, what really works. I mean, I one question I often think about is, like, is it better to read a hundred books or the right book a hundred times? You know, I think about it, like, in the world of poetry too. Like, I probably have I probably read a thousand poems, but I have, like, ten that, like, really got me. Mhmm. And those are the ones I spend time with, and and I I question why we don't treat books the same way. Maybe, yeah, maybe it just comes down to an ego thing Yeah. Wanting to, you know I think it's also, something is is that I think about is, like, the difference between reading versus studying. You know, studying requires a lot more discipline and sacrifice. Mhmm. And it's like, well, why would you want to read the same thing you've already read? I guess it would be to study and become a master. Even there is a little bit of an ego, but it's like, you know, one of my guests was a guy named Jerry Colonna, and he might have said the my favorite line in anybody that's ever been on the podcast. He's, he was one of the first VCs, and now he's a big time executive coach and speaker writer. Incredibly honest. He's like, it's just another example of the wisdom traditions I've tried and failed to integrate for the last several decades. Like, his humility around, like, he's always gonna be trying and failing and trying again to integrate this stuff. He's a a student. Yeah. Yeah. I think that's a great perspective to have in life. Do can you respond or speak a little bit, to the authentic blueprint? Yeah. So this is a philosophy that I have that I bring into my coaching practice. I wouldn't say that this is a unique perspective. I think this is something that is can be universally found in different forms when you study different, bodies of knowledge. Right? But this concept that I believe that individuals each have a very unique purpose in life. I'm not sure if you're a watch collector or an art lover, but I'm I'm not sure you know the term like one of one. Right. So I I believe that every individual is a unique one of one, which means that they have a unique purpose, a unique, gift that they can give to the world. And that's gonna be based on a lot of things. Right? Their life story is gonna influence their mission and their purpose, the things that they've had to go through. Right? All these things that shaped who they are. And I think a lot of times, it kinda goes back to what we're talking about before where we maybe have had a few chips on our shoulder, and we get disconnected from our purpose, and we take on these pseudo purposes. And I think it's really just a form of trying to either prove to the world or prove to ourselves that we have self worth. And so we, over time, become very disconnected with our intuition or our authentic blueprint. And so the concept of helping people self discover who they were meant to be and get back in touch with that muscle of listening to their intuition is in line with what that means to live through your authentic blueprint. Are you familiar with the concept of this isn't more on the work sense, but I'm curious to your thoughts. Are you are you familiar with the concept of shadow careers? Mhmm. Shadow careers are things like you wanna be a writer, but you become a writer's agent. Mhmm. Basically, like, you're getting close enough. Yeah. But you're not doing your thing. And then that's not to say, like, there aren't some people that are meant to be agents instead of writers. Like, that's not to say that at all, but I'm curious, like, when you're working with people, like, do you find that there's a population that is, like, way far off their track or, like, actually pretty close, but just, like, in the shadow? Honestly, I think it's all the above, because I can I can envision someone that is, I guess, doing a shadow career thinking that this is on path? But, you know, I could see a situation where if you really test and challenge that mindset and get them to connect with their intuition and see if they're actually truly happy, I can absolutely see that going in a direction where, you know, maybe they're settling. But I can also see a situation where, you know, maybe that path of doing that shadow career actually led to something bigger that they were meant be, like, meant to do. So I'd say that at least from what I've seen work with a bunch of clients, it's there's a huge spectrum, and it really just comes down to that individual's situation. Yeah. Yeah. Two things. You know, you mentioned intuition. Like, I mean, I think we're, in not necessarily I won't call it, like, a crisis of intuition, but, like, for a lot of people, it's been very cut off. I'm curious to hear your thoughts, like, especially in the west, like, for many people. Like, I grew up in Ohio. Like, we didn't go hiking and we're, like, yeah, kinda like city suburb people, you know, not a ton of nature. I'm curious to get your thoughts on, like, especially the healing process and the the path to potential, the role of the nature, and then potentially a little bit of a curveball but also grieving. Because I don't believe we appreciate grieving enough. I don't believe in, like, like, Western American society. There's enough appreciation for rhythms and seasons. And I know something from my experiences, but when I I'm gonna take a step towards, a new level of potential, I'm gonna have to leave some part of me behind. And there was a long time I have a mentor that talks about cycles of arrival and departure. There was a a while in my healing journey that I could tell where I was in the cycle based on an extreme emotional release or grieving. Mhmm. Since it's been a little bit I I haven't had that same sense. And sometimes, you know, maybe it's not grieving, but it's a moment of joy. But grieving was just such a core part of my experience, and I'm curious how you think about they're maybe they're related, maybe they're not nature and grieving in addition to finding intuition. Yeah. I I would say that they're absolutely connected. So the image or analogy that I always think of in my mind in terms of someone being their most authentic self is, you know, imagine someone that is this pure ball of just energy and light and goodness, and then things happen. Right? Like, maybe they get bullied. Maybe, you know, their family hits a economic downturn. Maybe they go through a bad breakup. Whatever it is, these little microtraumas or micro events start to what I call put on armor onto this ball of joy. And if you do that long enough, then, you know, we put on this armor thinking that's gonna enhance us and protect us. And a lot of times, all you're doing is you're starving, actual fulfillment and joy from within. And so I think that the process of becoming authentic and getting back in touch with their intuition is the process of taking that armor off. So there's actually a lot of letting go and unlearning that takes place. And I think that that letting go process is probably synonymous with grieving. I have yet to see any clients that I have worked with where we go really, really deep where, some form of emotional catharsis process or, you know, just grieving or letting go of energy has, you know, not been in that process. It's almost guaranteed that that's gonna be somewhere in that process. So I absolutely think that they're connected. And to your point with nature, it's funny because I think the the pattern that I've seen with clients is that the people that live the most exceptionally fulfilling lives are the people that have some level of spirituality in their life. And spirituality can just be a bucket term for, you know, a higher purpose, religion. I would actually put nature in that bucket. And so, yeah, I do think that nature is very important. I think also, more so because it's symbolic of what I call the bucket of spirituality, which is really just the process of connecting with something bigger than yourself. When people go and I do wanna spend a little bit of time talking about, like, your process for sustainable transformation, but I'm curious. When people go through your program, I'll call it, even just saying that, I mean, isn't it it's probably a false indication that the the process ever stops. You know, it's continuous, obviously. But, you know, in in phases of your program, like, are you finding that people are, like, radically shifting careers, like, getting out of certain relationships, etcetera? Or are some people just, like, returning to the lives they already were living with fresh eyes and, like, renewed connection and fulfillment? I imagine it's a spectrum. Mhmm. But I'm just curious kinda what you've seen and experienced. That is a really interesting question. It it's kinda ironic. Right? Because a lot of times, again, clients will come to me thinking they have a steering goal. Like, hey. I wanna hit this title. I wanna hit this, you know, net worth. And, again, we'll work towards that thing. Right? So the coaching ROI is a mixture of intangible and tangible results, things that we can measure and things we can't measure. Having said that, because my coaching does focus a lot on really deep work, it is very rare to see a client that I will work with where eventually there will not be some major transition in their life. It could be a huge career shift. It can be, you know, all the things that you mentioned. So, that's not to say that that's the measuring mark that we're moving towards, you know, is huge shifts, but it is something that we that we see quite often. I mean, in Austin, it's, like, it's a it's a it's, quite a it can be my quite a microcosm. Like, you've you've seen a lot of people drop out of the corporate world. So is is that, like, a common thing you see, or do you see some people very common. Can you speak more about that? I the best I can speak to it is from what I've seen. And what I've seen kinda goes back to the similar story that I had, right, where I think the corporate world is a very simple and safe platform to pursue pretty much everything you need. Right? To enhance your ego, to, have enough money to, you know, sustain yourself, to have admiration, respect, all these things. So it's a very safe platform. It's not to say that it's easy because as you know, you you really have to hustle and, you know, work long hours and all that stuff. But at the end of the day, I think that pursuing a corporate career a lot of times is an example of really just addressing the symptom. And I think an example of a symptom in that instance is, you know, in that instance for me, it was not believing that I had inherent self worth because of my upbringing. And so I was looking for an outlet to constantly prove to the world and myself that I had self worth. And when you work on the actual root cause, a lot of the symptoms autocorrect themselves. And when I no longer felt like I had to pursue something to have self worth, it was almost like magic that I just stop I just one day just lost interest in my career. And I was just like, you know, I think, it's time for me to do that thing that I've always been wanting to do. So, yeah, I think that the corporate world is, again, not all the time, but a a lot of times, just a form of addressing a symptom versus addressing the core issue. Yeah. And something I'm thinking a lot about is, like, and that gets kinda into, like and I I'm curious to hear your thoughts on this. You know, sometimes, like, I've had, like, other coaches and speakers and authors on here, and, like, coaching can be a very, I'll call it, privileged solution. Like, some of the guests I've had might charge, like, ten thousand dollars a month. So, like, the accessibility isn't really there, but, like, what are like, something I'm thinking a lot about is, like, you know, economic realities are real, and they're actually growing too. Like, you know, like, it would cost, you know, for my experience, three times as much to buy the same house I grew up in. You know? So, like, how are people, like I mean, there's some people for me, like, the corporate world is, like, a good way to, like, make money, but, like, there's often also stories around, like, is this the game you wanna be playing, etcetera. I mean, how do you think about it for, like, from, like, the broader population? And I know you have a a diverse client set. Mhmm. But, like, from people that maybe, like, can do that or feel like they can't leave the corporate world for whatever reason for financial or family or whatever. Yeah. I mean, that's a very fair point. Right? Because at the end of the day, I'm sure you you know of, Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Right? Food shelter at the very bottom. So there is there is something to be said right about being able to sustain yourself. But one thing that I have always found when I work with clients long enough is that, you know, that concept in the four hour work week kind of naturally comes out where, yes, there's truth to people needing to sustain themselves. But when you actually quantify what you actually need to sustain yourself when you're at a authentic level of happiness, Mhmm. It is way less than you would actually think. And when you start to realize that the reason people think and feel that they need, you know, exorbitant amounts of wealth is because they're typically coping or trying to, you know, rejuvenate themselves from all the burnout or it's because, again, they they they don't know how to be happy with, with little things in life. Mhmm. And so, you know, if if happiness were a equation, I think most people focus on, you know, trying to increase the numerator. But the denominator of just decreasing and being happier with less is also a very viable solution. Right? So I think when people actually learn and be authentically happy and fulfilled, you don't really need that much. Mhmm. And so that naturally lowers the equation, if that makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. Two things can stand out is I think Jim Carey in our graduation speech says, you know, his dad could have been a great comedian, but he was an accountant. He was trying to be an accountant because he thought that was a smart thing to do, and he failed at that. Mhmm. And the the lesson was, like, you know, if there's always a chance of failure, so you might as well fail at the thing that you're, like, really born to do. The other thing that stands out is, like, I had a good friend who, I think traveled, him and his wife, for, like, four years. And he was like he's like, yeah. When we left, and started traveling, we left all of our expenses with us. You know, all these things we're working to pay for, you know, travel does seem to be a part of this process. You know, you hear a lot of people, like, you know, go travel for six months or a year, and they learn to live with less. But also, like, all the things they're working for to get the money, they they're they're just gone. Mhmm. Couldn't agree more. I had a, actually, ironically, a similar experience where during the lockdown, I just I was one of the people in that group that started to do a lot of nomadic stuff. And it wasn't actually to experience travel, but it was because I started to notice that my, lifestyle creep was starting to get out of hand. And so I was looking for a drastic way to reset that. And so, I chose to basically live nomadically out of my car for, you know, like about two years and, talk about getting back to the brass tacks of living a simple life. And so, it was a great experience, right, to help you remember the things that really make you happy, and you really don't need much when you're, you know, living a life that's filled with fulfillment at the end of the day. Yeah. Yeah. We I mean, a lot of the things we spend our money on are are trying to fill holes or distract ourselves, and Okay. It it can be a lot simpler. What have you found to be a process for sustainable transformation? You mentioned, like, some visioning. You mentioned running out some goals, but, like, what does it look like for you? Yeah. So I think there's two different ways to interpret this question. So on one side, there's what is the process to consistently create change? And then on the other side, I kinda see it as what's the process to sustain change because in my mind, they're two completely different things. So on the first side of how to consistently create change, I actually don't think it's that complicated. Like, I use the analogy of, losing weight. Like, in theory, the formula to lose weight is not that hard. It's just, you know, burn more calories than you intake. How you do it, there's a lot of different ways. You know, you can do keto. You can do intermittent fasting, all these things. But the formula at the end of the day is pretty simple. Right? So I kinda see it as a trifecta. So just like in health, right, there's sleep, diet, and exercise. I think the trifecta for change is strategy, execution, and reflection. So strategy means you need to take the time to figure out what your goals are. They need to be well thought out goals. They need to be measurable. They need to be, obtainable like your typical smart goals. It's understanding the emotional tie behind it. What's the motivation? All these things fall into the strategy bucket. Execution, right, is simply breaking down your goals into small pieces and just doing it. Ironically, the area that I think a lot of people undervalue is the reflection part. Just like how with fitness, I think a lot of people undervalue sleep, and they tend to just over exercise. I think in this equation, it's the same thing. Reflection is really the part where the magic happens. It's where you go from good to great because that's where you can really figure out what's working, what's not. I'm eighty percent near my goal. Is it worth going to the extra twenty percent, or do I actually wanna pivot because I've reflected and I realized I have a a new goal? It's understanding what your obstacles are and how to create a strategy around that. So to me, that's the formula, right, for creating change. It's just create a strategy, execute, and take time to reflect, and then rinse, wash, repeat. You mentioned that reflection is often the most challenging thing. You know, I've heard a lot of friends say, like, I really wanna journal. I just can't. You know? And there's there's many ways to reflect beyond journaling, but what are some ways that you help people that maybe have had blockers against reflection to create time and space to reflect? Yeah. So I think reflection can definitely come in different forms. Like you said, journaling, meditating, things of that sort. To me, I think reflection is, at the end of the day, a form of just getting connected with your emotions and actually feeling your emotions because as wooly as that might sound, that's a form of connecting with your intuition. Right? So whether you connect with your emotions through journaling or meditation or mindfulness or just going for walks, To me, it's at the end of the day, you're just trying to connect and actually feel. Because when you feel your emotions, your body is trying to tell you what the next step is. Your body is trying to tell you this is working, this isn't. And so I'm not sure if I answered your question directly, but I think it comes in many different forms. But Yeah. Yeah. I went to a a really transformational men's retreat eighteen months ago or so, and the the core was feel your emotions fully and separate your emotions from your stories. I love that. You be like, a great example would be, you might say, well, I feel like you don't have my back. That's actually not a feeling at all. Mhmm. Like, that's a story. It's really, and then there's all this, like, nonviolent communication and ways to communicate that. But, like, really, it's like, I know it's not that I don't feel like you don't have my back, is that I feel scared and vulnerable, etcetera. Yeah. And what a great, so we use that a lot. It's it's, it's this philosophy, right, that you're the story that you're telling yourself or the thought you have is what leads to the emotions, and your emotions are what lead to the actions you do. And what a great way to help someone not only help articulate how they're feeling, but to actually communicate. Right? Because in that example, if you feel like a friend doesn't have your back, just telling her, like, you don't have my back or I feel like you don't have my back, That's not effective communication. Effective communication is like, hey, Adam. When you do this, sometimes I feel like I'm a little isolated or it makes me feel, alone. And that's really hard, especially for guys to sometimes open up and say. Right? But you can see how much more impactful it is to actually get to the root of what the emotion is. Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. I think one of my favorite sayings is, like, in order to get to where you're going, you have to be here. So I think that's a big element of acceptance and also just being where you are and feeling your emotions. Are you familiar with Byron Katie? Mhmm. Byron Katie is, she is a a coach and author, and her framework is called The Work. Mhmm. And The Work is, a four question framework that can basically be applied at any time, which is, like, is it true? Do I know it's true? Like, could the opposite be true about any story? And then who would I be without this? Mhmm. And one of her quotes, I think, is really brilliant. She said, I discovered when I believed my thoughts I suffered, but when I didn't believe them I didn't suffer. And this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional and I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not a single moment that joy is in everyone always. I love that. Yeah. It speaks to what you were saying earlier about the unlearning Mhmm. And kinda just removing all the stuff that is not the essence of every human being, which is joy. And sometimes suffering can be addictive. Right? And, you know Yes. Falling into that victim of a mindset, it can be very addictive. And Yeah. Perfect example, right, of it may not be empowering, but it is serving us in some way because it's maybe protecting us or making us feel, you know, one way versus avoiding maybe certain realities. Yeah. And they're all patterns. Like, one of my counselors and teachers said, would tell you, like, you know, every thought we have is the deepening of a neural pathway or creation of a new one or a deepening of an existing one. And and our patterns are the same thing, and we can very much get addicted to chaos and shame and all the such, and we we need to shift out of patterns. Can you speak to some frameworks and tools that anyone, whether they're working with you or not, can use to gain clarity and improve? I hate the conditionality, but improve their lives. Yeah. So within coaching, you know, there are proprietary and the nonproprietary tools. The two that really come to mind that I think anyone can have access to and really leverage is, the first one is called the wheel of life. So, you know, imagine if you're gonna go on a road trip, what's usually gonna be the first thing you do, right, is you sit down and you maybe just take a look at, okay, where am I trying to get to, and you take a snapshot of just the entire journey before you figure out the actual route. And so the wheel of life is a really simple tool that, a lot of people, especially coaches use because it gives individuals a actual visual, image of their current life and where potential imbalances are. So it breaks down your life into eight or nine different buckets. So it might be career, finances, intimate relationships, social relationships, whatever. And then you just go through the process of ranking where you think you are and where you wanna be, and it gives you a snapshot. And so that's a great starting tool to give you, an idea of where you are and to potentially inspire areas of imbalance that you should start working on. So that's gonna be the first one. You can I would be surprised if you couldn't find that by just doing a quick cool sketch? I just found it. Yeah. So you you can There's all sorts of different different templates out there. Yeah. And, also, it's available on my website, and it also has a few different prompts because I think it's one thing to have the snapshot, but you need to have empowering prompts to, kinda pull out of you the insights that you're looking or seeing from that. So those are gonna be that's gonna be the first tool that I can think of. The second one, then segues off of that right of okay. Now that I see the snapshot, what am I gonna do with this information? And so there's a another tool called, AIM SMART goals. You're probably aware of what SMART goals are. Right? They're goals that are what was it? I should probably know Specific Specific measurable attainable. Time bounds and WER's Relevant. Relevant. There you go. So, you know, very common, formula to outline very specific measurable goals. AIM Smart is a framework that builds on top of that. And what it does is it helps you take these broader stroke goals that you have and teaches you to break them down into further buckets and then basically break these down into the smallest bite sized pieces you can figure out. But then instead of creating next steps and goals towards that, it leverages a technique. Yeah. So, like, Tim Ferriss has that joke, right, where he says sometimes I'll, you know, write out a goal and then I'll cut it in half and then cut it in half again, and that's the real goal that you wanna work towards. Yeah. AIM Smart is very similar where it helps you break down your goals into the smallest components possible, and then it helps you to create what's the best case scenario of what next steps look like, what's the worst case scenario, and what's the realistic medium that you can actually go towards. And, yeah, you could probably find that framework somewhere online. You can also, again, find that on my on my website. But I think that that mixed with the wheel of life is a great two combo mixture that, could probably help someone get started with getting clarity and figure out how to get some next steps going in their lives. One thing one thing that's come up for me in that is, how do you help people figure out what the main focus should be? Because something for for me is, like, I'll I'll start journaling on this stuff and be like, alright. Well, like, I'm just gonna change six things in these seven aspects of life or elements of the wheel, and then I'll be good. Mhmm. But, like, I also know that that will often lead to being overwhelmed. So how do you coach people to balance the short term and the long term? Could you clarify so in your example, what do you mean by these things will lead to this feeling of overwhelm? I'm just saying, like, yeah. Yeah. If I try to change things across work, relationships, exercise, changing financial goals, changing creative goals, if I try to do all these things at once, I'll sometimes feel overwhelmed. And, like, one of my counselors re recently encouraging me is, like, you just your main focus should be your main focus. So what's interesting is, you know, hypothetically, in this work coaching session, I think my goal is to help cut through a lot of the noise. So there's a saying that we have in coaching where you you don't get in the ring or you don't get in the box with your client, meaning the actual details that they're sharing are rarely relevant. What you're really trying to listen for is how do you cut through all that noise and get to that one core thing that's the real issue. So in this instance, hearing you talk when you say that, potentially listing out all these next steps lead to overwhelm, that might actually be the area where where we would focus on and trying to understand and just get a better relationship with why does why do these things make you feel overwhelmed? What is your relationship with that emotion of feeling overwhelmed look like? And a lot of times, you might have a client that, you know, through a lot of deep work might realize that, maybe that's stemming from, you know, this pressure that their identity is linked to, you know, execution or something. And so they have pressure to constantly execute, then you can see how this would be a self sabotaging type of cycle. So by helping people release that energy and find new perspectives on that initial thing that was causing overwhelm, that is actually gonna create a way more sustainable approach than trying to work through again the symptoms of, okay. Well, how do we get you to just focus on these next steps and ignore the feelings of feeling overwhelmed? So I'm not sure if that actually answered your question, but it was actually an interesting, like, pseudo coaching thought experiment because I you know, that was the most relevant example I've heard come up today. Yeah. No. That was super cool, man. Yeah. I think, I'll definitely be examining, my own relationship with feeling overwhelmed and, you know, digging back to our earlier portion of the conversation about, like, how might that serve me. Mhmm. You know, what is my payoff by keeping that, those underlying beliefs? Alex, you've been really gracious with your time before I let you go. What's the best way for people to keep up with you and the work you're doing? Yeah. So I'm super active on LinkedIn. So if, people wanna reach out to me and connect on LinkedIn, I'm super active there, and usually pretty responsive. And then also, just my website, alex lee dot life. You can find, you know, some of those tools that we talked about such as the Wheel of Life, the AIM Smart Goals, and then there's also an intake form if you wanna book time and, just have a meaningful conversation with me. Awesome. Well, all the links to your LinkedIn and your website in the show notes as well as those tools. Thanks so much for coming on the show, Alex. Yeah. I appreciate it. Thank you for having me, man. Thank you for listening to Tuesday's Wars. See that conversation was with Alex Lee, a sales leader turned coach based in Austin, Texas. What I enjoyed about the episode was Alex's belief in the potential of people and his concept of the authentic blueprint that everyone has. If you enjoyed the episode, share with a friend, and we'll see you here soon. Thanks.